Thursday, March 27, 2008

I've angered the WASP community...

and not the two-legged Protestant variety. I'm convinced that I've singled-handedly ticked off the entire wasp population at our end of the street. These ugly creatures come out this time of year trying to find a place to build nests. For some reason the exterior of our house draws a lot of attention. It just so happens that Caroline is terrified of wasps to the point of hysterics and hyperventilation.

Being the Mama Bear protector that I am, I have made it my mission to make our little piece of Arkansas as least traumatic as possible for Caroline and kill 'em all. Over the past couple of days every time I see one I simply take my can of Wasp and Hornet spray with the 27 foot spraying range and very stealth-like sneak outside and take them out one by one. I've considered creating some kind of holster for the spray but I think it would just slow me down. These wasps are a hardy bunch and despite the spray's claim to kill on contact they sometimes require some brute force with the bottom of my shoe. This plan has been working great until today.

Today, there were so many wasps out that I had one can of spray strategically stationed at the back door and one on the front steps. I think the survivors were coming and looking for their friends. So I did what any self-respecting momma would do and I became a one-woman killing machine! I even killed one without the spray, using only my foot in what could best be described as karate-style kick upside it's beady little head. (Um, Alex, I think your headlight is ok). Now I know I like to exaggerate for effect but I must tell you that my house was actually dripping with Wasp and Hornet spray. This is NOT an exaggeration. After about an hour of battle and probably six kills (who needs Halo 3) and almost two full cans of spray, I went out to check for survivors. And I kid you not, one of the little suckers dive-bombed me and actually made contact with my arm. At this point I began frantically spraying in circles leaving myself in the middle of the "spray fall-out". All that was left to do was scream like a little girl and run inside.

I then decided to impose a cease fire for the day and barricade ourselves inside until we needed to leave for soccer. Now night fall has come and the troops are asleep (mine and theirs). I'm gearing up for battle again tomorrow. This is a battle I will win!

Simply stated: I need more Wasp spray.