Friday, October 17, 2008

Interesting Reading

When I'm not checking out patients or falling out of chairs at work, one will often find me reading the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or DSM as we in the biz will call it). For those of you unfamiliar with the DSM it is a manual published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) that includes all currently recognized mental health disorders.

So what began as an earnest attempt to educate myself on the issues that many of our patients deal with has turned into a quest to diagnose myself. And everyone else around me.

For example, I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have sleep terror disorder. The DSM describes this as night terrors, also known as pavor nocturnus, characterized by extreme terror and a temporary inability to regain full consciousness. The subject (me) wakes abruptly from slow-wave sleep, with waking usually accompanied by gasping, moaning, or screaming. It is often impossible to fully awaken the person, and after the episode the subject normally settles back to sleep without waking. Thereby leaving that subject's spouse to scrape himself off of the ceiling.

For any of you who have had the misfortune of spending a night under the same roof as me, you know this to be all too true.

For those of you who have had the extreme misfortune of sharing a bed with me, I am truly sorry.

While often comical, my night terrors have proven to be dangerous as well. My "episodes" have inflicted countless bruises, nasty scrapes and even one round of stitches. My children have become immune to the sound of mom's pounding footsteps running down the hallway in the middle of the night. Even the blood curdling screams are no longer cause for alarm.

Not so much for poor Don. I don't think one ever grows accustomed to being woken from a dead sleep by a screaming lunatic next to you.

There is no cure. No telethon. No awareness campaign.

Anti-anxiety meds are the only treatment. And, until Don is at the point of slipping a Klonopin in my late night diet coke, I don't see that happening.

Simply stated: Do you think it's a coincidence that my co-workers took my manual away yesterday?

P.S. I believe that mental illness and mental disorders are no laughing matter. I'm a strong proponent of therapy and medication for people suffering with a variety of mental disorders and illnesses. I also can't pass up an opportunity to use self-depricating humor to get a cheap laugh. Maybe some more diagnosing is needed.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

What does it say about a person?

Hypothetically speaking. What does it say about a person's wardrobe when their daughter sees her ironing a shirt and then inquires as to why she's getting dressed up.

Or again, hypothetically speaking, when the other daughter asks why mommy is so "fancy" simply for wearing some $10.00 costume jewelry from Kohl's.

Simply Stated: A "person" might get a complex.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Once a klutz...always a klutz.

I've made it six weeks at my new job without revealing my clumsy side. I haven't fallen, tripped, run into a wall, or broken anything. Until today.

Since the very first day that I pulled my chair up to my desk, I've known that today's display of my lack of grace was inevitable. You see I have a chair. With wheels. And this chair with wheels resides on a piece of smooth and slick plastic. Now, to most people this would not be cause for concern. I, unfortunately, am not most people. And today I made the worst kind of mistake. I tried to sit down. While carrying on a conversation. At the same time.

Do you see where this is going? Let me describe the scene for you.

My boss, Paula's, office is across the hallway from my window. I was perched over my desk having an uneventful converstion with Paula when in a moment of reckless abandon I decided to sit down. Without bothering to grab the handles of the chair my rear end merely grazed the edge of the seat thereby propelling the chair across the room leaving only gravity between me and the floor. I knew what was happening but by vain efforts to grab at something proved pointless. I landed on butt/back, the momentum of the fall causing my legs to skyrocket heavenward. I'm sure the bruises will be evident by tomorrow.

It seemed as though I was falling in slow motion. Through the window I could see the panicked look on Paula's face as I disappeared from view. When I sat up I was surrounded by all of my co-workers in the front office, Paula, and one of our doctors. The chorus of gasps, "oh my gosh's," and "is she ok's" quickly turned to giggles once everyone realized that my convulsions were caused by embarrased laughter rather than a serious head injury.

Someone said she'd thought I fainted. Why didn't I think of that?

Simply stated: Nothing to see here folks.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Wedding Etiquette Survey

Last weekend we attended the wedding of a young couple at our church. It was a beautiful ceremony and we were honored to be included in their special day.

At the reception I was searching for the gift table to place our card. A good friend of mine was curious why I would be giving a gift at the wedding since I had already brought a gift to the bride-to-be's shower. I must have looked a little confused by her question. She went on to explain that they only buy one gift even if invited to both functions.

My this a southern thing? I asked my friend from California who agreed with our east coast ways. I asked another Arkansas friend who confirmed that they, too, only purchase one gift. Please, please, please post your responses as to what your customs dictate. I'm really curious about this one.

Another thing about southern weddings is that people don't use RSVP cards. this a southern thing or just a new trend in weddings?

And while we're on the topic of north vs. south, I feel as though I've marked some right of passage into southern-womanhood as I've used Ro-tel in our last two meals and neither entree included cheese dip.

We also drink sweet tea on a regular basis.

I must admit as well that I've used the word "buggy" referring to a shopping cart and the work "sack" in place of the more northern alternative bag. Y'all are rubbing off on me.

Simply stated: I best be fixin' to get ready for community group.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth

Caroline has instructed me that I "have to sit down and post something this weekend." Plus,
I figured I'd better write something just to break the dry spell and get the momentum moving again. Truth be told, my eyes keep closing as I try and type. I'm just so doggone tired.

All is well, however, just a new kind of busy. And oh, how I cherish our weekends like never before. As a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) the weekends held nothing new. Just more of the same laundry and housework. Now sleeping in until 8:00 a.m. as opposed to 5:30 a.m. on weekdays seems positively luxurious. I also appreciate being able to take control of my schedule over the weekend instead of having every waking moment being dictated by the next task. If I want to stop and watch football with the be it.

I apologize for the lack of humorous posts. Hopefully something funny will happen soon. You'll be the first know. In the meantime I do have a few bathrooms to clean since company is coming tomorrow.

One cute thing: As Maria continues to grow in her knowledge of matters of faith, she got a bit confused regarding the relationship between God and Jesus. At one point she said "oh, I thought Jesus was God's last name." I explained that God and Jesus are kind of a holy team that created us and takes care of us. (It will be awhile before we introduce the trinity concept). That night as she prayed she concluded by saying "I just love you guys" in referring to God and Jesus. I laughed silently. I'm sure God and Jesus smiled.

Simply stated: Thanks for reading.