Thursday, July 10, 2008


We've made it home. And with 2,800 miles of driving time, I've had plenty of opportunities to ponder the world around me. And, since I was born woefully lacking any ability to self-censor my thoughts before they become public, I will now share my epiphanies with you.

First, the amount by which a person knowingly and willfully exceeds the posted speed limit is directly proportionate to the proximity to ones home. I tried to be responsible about my lead foot (maybe that's where that extra 50 lbs. hangs out) and only drive 5 miles above the speed limit. This was not hard to do since Caroline regularly inspected my speedometer. At one point she proudly proclaimed "Wow, Mom you're actually going the speed limit." My rate of speed is one of those do as I say, not as I do issues. I'm not proud, but I'm nothing if not honest. Anyway, my speed limit plus 5 method was sufficiently fast until home was within a few hundred miles. I won't detail numbers as it might incriminate me, but I will tell you that I made the 6-hour trip from Nashville to Little Rock in 5 hours and 20 minutes.

And speaking of driving, people need to move out of the passing lane on our highways and interstates. I will admit to a touch of road rage when caught behind slow people in the "fast" lane. I tried to keep my name calling to minimum using words such as "moron" and "idiot." Then I came up with the Move Over song, sung to the tune of "Ten in the Bed." It was a crowd favorite among my passengers.

And speaking of songs, you can never have too many CD's on a roadtrip. My CD case never made it from the Suburban to the Pilot. I think it's in the "bag of junk from the old car to sort through and see what goes in the new car" that's stashed in the laundry room. This left us with Sarah Bareilles and High School Musical II. Now, I will admit to being a closet HSM fan. In fact, I love all sorts of show tunes. But even the best of soundtracks start sounding like nails on a chalkboard after five continuous hours. I needed something to keep me awake. We got smart on the way home and picked up the WOW 2007 CD and the soundtrack to Camp Rock. Which, in my humble opinion, is not nearly as good as HSM!

And while we're on the topic of staying awake, the human jaw was not designed to chew gum for 12 straight hours. It's seems I'm genetically wired to be sleepy (chronic anemia doesn't help), and anytime I sit for more than 30 minutes without moving I begin to doze off. Note: sleepiness is not to be confused with laziness. They are two very different syndromes. Anyways, for obvious reasons this is a problem when being the sole driver on a long road trip. Chewing gum, however, provided just enough movement to keep my eyes open. Not sure how the two actions work together but I never fell asleep at the wheel. I just can't move my jaws.

Staying with the tired theme, why is it that long car rides will suck every last bit of energy from an adult while at the same time acting as some form of energy drink for the kids. Each night I'd drag myself up to the check-in desk at the hotel looking every bit the part of the exhausted traveler. Behind me the girls would hop, skip, and jump into the lobby squealing "when can we go to the pool, can we go to the pool now, can we, can we, huh, huh?

There is no clever segue for this next observation. Toots never go undetected when traveling with a six-year old.

Speaking of old farts (please forgive me, I couldn't resist)...Grandparents rock! They have an uncanny ability to turn even the most mundane of tasks into an unforgettable adventure. My children's lives are truly enriched by their relationships with their grandparents.

Sitting with sisters and talking about every and anything is some of the best times a girl can have. It doesn't hurt when the waitress spills coke all over one either! I hope that my girls will enjoy each other as adults as much as my sisters and I enjoy each other.

That's it for now. I'll end on a sweet and pleasant note rather than one dripping with sarcasm. Needless to say it was a great trip but it sure is good to be home.

Simply stated: Many the Miles...the end.